I came across this blog post on Elite Daily – I had to share it. I was manipulated this way by a partner, and it was traumatizing and damaging overall to my head. It doesn’t matter at this point, I am doing the work to defeat this mental trauma, but its helpful for my journey, and on this site that’s what matters.
We can be so lost in the idea of loving someone that we will protect their lying because we will lose our ability to choose ourselves, over the love we want to believe is real. There’s reasons for this I have yet to understand, but what I do know is I personally spent over a year allowing my way of life, values, and joy to be corrupted by love – its my fault for believing them. I allowed another human being to cheapen the only thing left that I trusted – that love can never lose if its real. For someone like myself, vulnerability has been at the center of everything I believe in. This experience taught me that love is beautiful, but we can’t place ourselves with just anyone, even if that means we have to admit they are not the “one” we’ve been waiting for. I won’t allow skeptics to tell me the poetry around loving someone is fiction, no one can remove that from me. If I allow for the excavation of my passion, then everything I do will become less than what is suppose to be – writing, music, laughter, the way I hold my sons. I will love again, its too wonderful not to. Next time I will make sure my energy is not used for the cheap seats of validation, attention, and games. That when the voice in me speaks 1,000 truths I will have the courage to stand up and say, NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.
We will accept dishonesty when we’re addicted to love and allow toxic relationships to inhabit our individual self, while being blinded by an idea. Insecure people will use jealousy tactics to control their partners which is also a form of Love Addiction, maybe the worst kind. When we make our partners feels crazy its just wrong – it creates real damage. When we gaslight, and make our person feel like there is something wrong with them, its inhumane.
– Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity.
I have begun learning about love addiction to better understand relationships, especially my own issues with attachment patterns. The original article was written by Lauren Martin, here
A Mature Woman Doesn’t Make Her Man Jealous, But Others Jealous Of Him
But, I love you… that’s why my arm was wrapped around another man.
We’ve all done it. Admit it. We’re self-sabotaging machines who like to take a good thing and ruin it with evil plans and diabolical scheming. We’ve all texted a guy, danced with a man or flirted with a boy just to make him look.
We’ve all done the absolute stupidest thing in the world in the belief it was the smartest move. We’ve all tried to make our men jealous, and it’s blown up in all our faces.
Since we were old enough to know what the green monster looked like, we’ve had a knack for trying to bring him out. We just want to watch him emerge, and then make him leave when he starts to scare us.
But jealousy is just like cheap fabric — it seems like a good deal, but then quickly unravels. You can’t sustain a relationship on easy tricks and bad ploys.
You don’t make drama to make a relationship. You’re supposed to be getting away from that stuff, not stirring it up every time you’re together.
I know it’s hard, but you have to stay away from the glittery idea of making him green. I know it’s fun to try and twist him around your finger (before he can try and put you under his thumb), but at the end of the day, it’s not where you’ll want him.
You want a man whom you respect, who stands next to you — not under you. You want a relationship without games and drama, but stability and trust.
Because girls make their men jealous — women make them proud to be standing next to them.
Women find their worth in themselves; girls, in the opinion of random men.
Attention — you can’t sustain yourself on it.
Like those sugary treats you loved as a kid, you’re supposed to grow out of them and find other, more wholesome things, to fill up on. There’s no real value in the stares and empty promises of random men.
You must find your sustenance somewhere else because attention fades and the only thing that lasts is the opinion you hold of yourself.
Women are secure in their relationship; girls try to secure another date.
One of the major benefits of a relationship is the break from the games. No longer do you go out looking for men, but revel in the notion of knowing you have one back at home waiting for you. You can finally scrap the rehearsed lines and the tight jeans and just be real.
It’s a nice feeling and one that shouldn’t be ruined by trying to prove something to yourself — or him.
Women support their men; girls shove other men in his face.
Just because he intimidates you or you’re insecure in the relationship doesn’t mean he’s immune to all your evil tricks and games. Just because you put him on a pedestal doesn’t mean he’s not bound to fall off.
Women value honesty; girls lie to get him interested.
A relationship, like a house, crumbles when built on a faulty foundation. There’s no faultier material than dishonesty. Like jealousy, lies are a cheap ploy to reel him in, but are never strong enough to hold him there.
A woman knows being upfront at the start is the only way to create something lasting past the superficial chit-chat and flashy exterior.
Women bring their men up; girls make them feel bad when they’re down.
A wise woman understands she has the power to bring men up, not just down. A girl knows she can seduce a man, get him to do things for her, and watch him devote his life and attention to her whims and desires.
She knows, better than anyone, the power of the pussy is, indeed, real. But a smart woman doesn’t succumb to the temptation of it. She wants a partner, not a slave.
Women give a sh*t; girls pretend like they don’t.
It takes more courage to be honest. It’s not weak or shameful to admit how you feel — it’s the sign of a mature woman.
Hiding your feelings, bottling them up only to express them in destructive, immature ways is the sign of a scared little girl. Pretending like you don’t care may seem like a cool way to act, but it’s only going to keep you further away from what you really want.
Admitting how you feel, being open and honest about your intentions, isn’t a defeat, but a sign of maturity.