So what are you thankful for?
In this moment I’m thankful for my sons. Cove (6) is a strong beautiful boy, already capable of listening to his instincts. He continues to be an individual – thoughtful, aware, and kind. Cove’s energy is sturdy with a sense of mystery. When I look at him I see his Mom, but as he gets older I’m starting to see a lot of my features. His personality reminds me a lot of myself – curious, creative, disciplined. But he’s still a little boy. When he gets shy around others, he fights his smile, until he can’t anymore and it just comes bursting out. Above the corners of his mouth he gets little dimples when his mannerism are free and reacting to the moment. Cove is gentle, sweet, emotionally aware and analytical. He’s careful, polite, and interested in making things. Cove is the moon – as it presents different looks of itself, you can’t help but notice, and be struck by how when full, its so bright in the darkest of times. His sturdy presence gives me courage, it gives me peace, a calm reminder of how patient we are to be, because life is living and it’s wonderful if we make room for it to be.
Then there’s his little brother, Valley (3), a “wow” child. Magnificent in how he navigates others. Bursting with goodness, his smile is glued on his face almost the entire day. Valley is social – he loves people, feeds off their energy. There is no middle of the road for my young son. If he gets upset he wears it all over his face. He is the type of person that will randomly tell you he loves you, its constant – When the house is quiet and I’m reading, Valley will come up to me and say “I love you daddy”, then give me a big hug, and kiss my face. He is the Sun – a bright and energy giving human. There is no moment to big for him, he lights up the room, and dives head first into things he doesn’t know how to do. His approach to life is through love and he inspires me to not forget my own values, to not forget that I too feed off others, to not forget that no matter how hard things can be no situation gets to ruin our ability to live through love. Together, our children are growing into complete pictures, healthy, steady – they have been through the storm yet their energy remain childlike, joyful, and curious.
What else am I thankful for?
It’s been a rough couple months. The health of important people in my family has been a constant. But I’m grateful for having the chance to help, and bond through the tough times. My Mom almost died. Just typing that doesn’t feel real. She is on the rise though, her energy is moving, getting its fire back. We are closer than we’ve ever been, probably since I was in high school, leaving the nest for the first time.
Similar to this, I’m grateful for my bond with my Aunt Kazzie, and Aunt Kelli – two amazingly strong women who have been through hell and back throughout their life. But somehow they manage to muster enough courage to take on more for others. My Aunt Kazzie has the most beautiful laugh – showing up when the moment needs it most. Her ability to still feel joy when it’s hard inspires me to keep going. Her dedication to God is something I admire, while I’m not all the way in my following, I take her guidance very seriously. And because of her I talk to God almost daily, asking for the courage, wisdom, and strength to see the path. She is my friend, like Mom to me, and I appreciate her so much. My Aunt Kelli, she’s just a force, a super human loyalist whose persistence and love shows me how much more we can do for others, even when we sacrifice more of ourselves than we really should. She’s always been the hippie Aunt, and as I’ve gotten older I see more and more of that in her, we bond on those lines of similarity. Her name pops up in my head when I think of the word “good”, she’s just a damn fine human being. Both of them have been my rock these past couple months, as they are for so many other people. They make me a better person, and I love them. We are friends for life.
Through all the rough and tumble my time with Grandma in October will always be a point in my life I remember. I got to spend two weeks with her, staying with her, having late night chats, hearing about story’s from the past I’d never heard. She persistently encouraged me to see myself, to not lose sight of how special I am, never missing a moment to say “you’re beautiful Ryan”. She is doing a lot better, getting ready to move into a new house, excited, ordering new quilts for her room. I usually get a quilt from her every couple years. I sleep with two quilts every night, both of them were hers. Call it a safety thing, or just cozy, it makes me feel good covering up with things I know my G Ma loves.
Lastly, I’m thankful for waking up today and having the “fire” to do this. Somehow I still have the urge to work, to create, to share. No matter what happens with anything I do, I still can’t believe I find ways to motivate this way of life for myself. I have woken up to the reality that I am myself, and its pretty cool man.
Happy Thanksgiving…go be thankful today, but more importantly be thankful tomorrow too, and so on.