Hazy Acres

I can laugh about addiction most days

It can be anything 

The feeling is applied to the thing 

All things are accessible to the addiction 

Sex

Drugs

Rock and Roll 

Same if you said 

Candy Bars

Television 

Video Games 

I am addicted to sugar right now 

Not because I like it 

But I used it to kick alcohol

Then used it to kick cigarettes

Wait 

I used alcohol to kick cigarettes 

Then used cigarettes to kick alcohol 

Then used sugar to kick cigarettes 

I have to replace the sugar now is the problem

Maybe I get into video games 

I’ve read that sugar is the hardest 

Think about that

I used the hardest thing 

In order to kick booze and smoke 

Damn 

This is no fun 

Well it kinda is 

I’m learning I like things hard 

Which is actually the addiction 

You get comfortable in chaos

Creating problems to sustain meaning 

Therapy is helping me accept when things are good 

What do you do once you’ve climbed the big mountain 

It’s kinda boring to be done with a challenge 

Its stimulating to fail 

And even more so to change 

And even bigger to accept when you’ve messed up 

I’ll mess up again 

Probably date the wrong person again

And shake shit up for the hell of it

Then I’ll come back here and deliver what I learn 

Different a little each time 

I’ll look a bit older 

Feel smarter 

And be involved with something I have never done before 

This cycle will happen a few more times in my life

Mostly because I can’t imagine arriving at the place 

The one where I’m done 

Done with growing 

Done with expressing 

Done with contemplating morality 

Done with learning how to identify what I enjoy 

Because it changes 

The best part of this is you care less and less about the perception of others

I feel that more than I ever have

And it’s opening up some cool visions for the future 

There’s a feeling to it 

It’s ease 

It’s the ability to accept what I am and where its going 

With the shadows 

And without the safety of belonging