Home, Again

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Coming home after a trip can be a couple different things. For me, I clean my place before I leave. Not spotless or Type A extreme, just centered, even, without clutter. It makes it easier. I’m a minimalist in most areas of my life.  I was initially a bit edgy when I left the Airport last night. The damn automated machine wouldn’t take my parking pass, so I had to fool with that for 20 minutes. It cost 50 friggin dollars to park for the weekend. Total bullshit, but whatcha gonna do? I did flirt with the idea of jumping the curb.

When we landed, Knoxville was almost 60, clear skies, warm with sun beating down to recharge my tired bones. I threw on my shades and smoked a cig by the car. Took it all in, the air, the weekend, the weeks before, life, all of it.  After so much socialization and shared energy in Chicago, to be alone on my way home felt bigger than it would normally. I played Thelonious Monk, called my Mom to catch up, see how she was doing. We talked for a bit, told her I would be over in the AM to take her to the doctors, and run some errands. I had a new friend coming over in a couple hours, which was nice, we are getting to be quite close, bonding in Art, other things about life.

Walked in my spot and it felt good to be home, open energy, natural, mine, and mine alone. I’m grateful to have my independence, to have my home back as it should be, with taste, maturity, and peace. My friend got there, and we sipped a few drinks, listened to tunes, and I filled them in on my weekend adventure. We relaxed in the soft light of my two-dollar lamp.

Going to sleep, I was exhausted. Took a hot shower, fell into my lush king size bed which is covered in pillows. I use all of them in my sleep. Turn this way, grab three, turn that way, grab the other three, two between my legs, real G shit. Its wonderful, and I snooze it well with all this room to myself. Two blankets my Grandma gave me, cozy quilts that fit my general aesthetic, minimal, but cozy. I love my house.

Morning came, phone is ringing at 7am, it said “Facetime Call from Holly” which means, my sons are calling me. I hit answer and there is my youngest son, Valley (almost 4). His beautiful eyes and smile looking at me “Hey Daddy, why is it so dark?” I just started laughing; the smile on my face had taken ownership of my entire face. We talked for 20 minutes, giggling, catching up. I  felt grateful for this moment. The universe is telling me things constantly. Every time the poison pill of the past sneaks up like a back zit, the love in my life goes “pop!” the timing is almost eerie how quickly it sweeps the negative away.

The rest of the day was good. Mom and me hung out, grabbed lunch. I had a classic cheeseburger, french fries, and two delicious cocktails, proper post vacation food I think. We shopped for furniture for the new condo, its some real privilege, that condo. I have keys, I work out there, and crash when I want to, yeah…pretty dope. We talked about the future, property, airbnb ideas, how we can hustle together. I have a friend who doesn’t have either of his parents around anymore. Before I left for Chicago, he sent me pages of his book yet to be published. Its fantastic, I read the first half in a morning last week. I think of him when I’m with my Mom, I think about the phone ringing and seeing her name, or when I call and she answers. I think about how many times I have taken this space for granted. She is doing better, getting healthier, still a struggle but she’s going to be 100 eventually, I believe in her.

During the day I started reaching out to people locally I hadn’t spoken with in over a year. One of them used to sing in Jazz bands in Europe, and I miss seeing her.  I’m looking forward to getting back into their spaces, enjoying them. I’m also signing up for a class in December that will bring a big boost to my life. It’s the beginning of a new path, a way forward that will solidify things, keep me stable enough to move around, keeping creativity as my partner for life.

“The old things behind you are on fire, and will continue to burn away”

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